Never the same

2 years ago, February 20th 2013, I left my family and everything I had known and entered the MTC. I entered with 3 suitcases full of all I could take of my life and left the rest behind. I went through a room full of tables and was in a daze. I got my name tag, and put it over my heart, devoting myself to it's message for the next 18 months. I was a deciple of Jesus Christ the son of God, I was called of Him to declare His word among His people that they might have everlasting life. (3 nephi 5:13)The day was finally here! The MTC was buzzing with Elders and Sisters shouting "welcome to the MTC" and all I could think was how excited I was to be a missionary and how scared I was because I had no idea what I was doing. Little did I know that my whole life would be changed forever. I am so grateful for that day, I chose to take a giant leap of faith and enter the missionary training center. A place where angels walk the hallways. The spirit had never been so tangible to me. I wasn't crying because I was sad, I was crying because of the overwhelming feeling of the spirit. We went to an orientation meeting and began to sing "armies of Heleman" I had sang it the same way my whole life. But this time instead of "we will be the Lord's missionaries" we sang "we are now the Lord's missionaries" the change of 2 words hit me like a ton of bricks. I was officially the Lord's missionary! I had the sacred opportunity to wear Christ's name on my heart for the next 18 months. That night as I went to sleep I felt overwhelming joy, and a confirmation that I was where I needed to be. 

That day changed my entire life. I am so grateful for the decision I made to go on a mission and serve the Lord. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I am grateful for the things I learned and the people I met. But most of all I am grateful for the relationship I gained with my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I will truly never be the same. 

Be of Good Cheer

           When I got home from my mission I was pretty scared, I (like a lot of other missionaries) hated being home. I wanted to be in Washington more than anything in the world. I didn't know what in the world I was doing here in Utah, and I basically had to figure myself out again. which I had already done for the past 18 months

          Obviously, a lot of missionaries feel this way, which is why they always say the adjustment is hard! But i wanted to have a different attitude about it. I wanted to have a firm hope and trust in God. I didn't want to "adjust" I wanted to progress. One day I decided to go to the temple and do a session. As I was sitting in the chapel a scripture came to mind that I remembered my mission president quoting. John 16:33 says : "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
I knew full heartedly that God had called me on a mission in Washington for 18 months for a reason. I also knew that when that 18 months were over I would be called to come back home. I knew that there was a real reason why I was coming home. And I knew God knew that it was a trial for me to leave a place that owned my heart and soul. But that day in the temple God told me to trust in Christ. to "be of good cheer" because He had overcome the WORLD. From that day forward I promised myself I would try to have a positive attitude.

        Now, 5 months later I am so happy. Everything in my life is going right at the moment. I enjoy my job, I am loving school and all the things I am learning, I'm still learning about and loving the gospel, and I've gained some really incredible relationships. What have I learned from all this? I have learned how much God truly wants us to be happy in every circumstance and to trust in Him. Every time I had to leave an area in my mission, I would cry to my mission president that I didn't want to leave! But he always said something like "if you had never left Steilacoom, you never would have met the people you love in Chambers Creek" every time, he was right. And the same thing applies here. There are people to love everywhere. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life right now. And if I had never left Washington I wouldn't have met the people I love here in Utah or that I've met because I'm in Utah. God blesses us with angles in our lives, to guide us, to help us stay on the right path. I am grateful for my angels, I couldn't survive without all of the amazing people I have in my life right now. Each from different areas of my life. Because I trusted in God He has blessed me beyond measure. So we must "Be Of Good Cheer" because God will take care of us no matter what, but we choose whether to be happy with our life or not. But I assure you God always wants us to be happy. So rejoice in your trials, because God is preparing you for a better day and a better life. You wouldn't have the things you love in life now if you hadn't left others behind.

“You can be smart and happy or stupid and miserable. . . it's your choice”― Gordon B. Hinckley

 

Eternal Blessings

So remember how I said the other day I was searching on facebook for people I had taught on my mission? Well I found some!!!! First of all I found one of my coverts -George and his wife -Alice! I wrote his address down wrong somehow so I wrote him a few times on my mission with his right address but I lost it! so I had not heard from him and his wife Alice since I got home! So we became friends on facebook and he gave me his number! so I called him and got to talk to him and his wife! George is doing fantastic! He has 2 callings, he recently received the Melchizedek priesthood and he is starting his temple prep classes in 2 weeks!!! George used to be a minister, but one day he found truth and joy in the gospel of Jesus Christ! It was so fun to talk to him and see that he's doing so good and loving the gospel! :) Another person i found was Leon Clevinger! This is a fun story....Leon is also a covert! He was doing really good, he had just gone to the temple and then one day he just disappeared! Sister Stevens and I went over to his house one night and it was dark...but We went and knocked on the door the lights were on inside but it was silent. Then his dog, Summer, comes out acting really weird...like the kind of weird you see when something bad happens in movies and the animals go psycho. So I was a bit scared! She acts like she wants us to follow her though so we move slowly and she guides us to the back door which is standing wide open. A knife sitting on the ground and Leon's phone sitting on the table. So at this point I'm thinking the worst. The only light we can see is one in the house and a red light in the back yard. Summer keeps backing up..So I walk in, my companion thinks I'm crazy still to this day..but I had to see if Leon was there and if he was ok! So I do a quick search, but found nothing, so we run to the car and get out of there. We never saw Leon again...but I found him on Facebook! He's still alive :) then there's Travis. Travis is an investigator still he's agnostic, but he's super awesome! And it was a miracle how we found him and even though he didn't know it, he showed so much faith by coming to baptisms and taking the lessons! I know he felt the spirit, I'm just not sure he understood it. Hopefully he will one day! Then there was Dan! He was an investigator who was supposed to get baptized and then he just disappeared! I taught him my 3rd transfer! So a little less than a year ago, and then I found him on Facebook and talked to him about what happened. He said he still wants to get baptized some day! So a boring snow day turned into an awesome missionary work day! I love missionary work! It truly makes me happy :) 

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"

Being home is so weird! I just had a phone conversation with a Sister that's still in my mission!! I was giving them a few referrals! But it was so weird! haha The most awesome part is that I had referrals!!! haha I have been doing my best to keep in contact with investigators and converts, and it is SO much fun! I love doing "member missionary work" especially with people that I met in Washington. I dunno why...there's just something about the people there that makes my heart wanna melt! I have an abundance of love for the people I met there. I think it's because I got to share with them the most sacred part of me - the gospel. And it made me have a different kind of connection with them. They know exactly who I am, and what I believe, while not everyone around me these days knows those things about me. Washington has seen my heart and soul, and I just LOVE it! anyways, I've digressed...
         Recently I have been thinking a lot about being a member missionary, and what I can do... especially with my recent accident and aches and pains of my body. It's a lot easier to do service than to talk to random people on the street! The best way for me at the moment is over social media! that's how I got those referrals for the sisters! :) haha now i'm going through my old planners and finding old investigators on Facebook! They were some of my greatest friends! :) But it's a lot of fun! I already talked to one of them, a lady named Michelle that i taught in my first area, she was excited to talk to me! :)
     Anyways, this is kinda scattered...but to sum this up...I love being a missionary! It's just what makes me happy. I have the opportunity to share the truth. I just hope God blesses me with more opportunities and that I don't shy away from them! I am so grateful for this amazing gospel and all the blessings it brings into my life.

Simple questions

"How are you?" A simple question that everyone asks in one way or another. It's mostly used as an ice breaker…like some kind of start to the small talk. But recently it's had a quite different connotation to it. People really want to know how I'm doing! They care a lot, but the problem is, I never know how to answer that question…sometimes I come back with the common mediocre "good" but most of the time lately it's been an "ehh" with a shrug of my shoulder. Followed by a less than enthusiastic explanation. To tell you honestly, I just don't know!! I am doing my very best to stay positive, but I am seriously feeling a little lost. More like unaware of myself, I can't remember things, I am a space cadet! I want to say that i'm good, I feel good most of the time...but I just don't know! I feel like I'm in a world that I don't belong in, an alternate universe. So my goal for this week is to reach outside of myself more. I try to do so, but I hold myself back...so this week I'm going to take advantage of the responsibility that's mine and "help others on their way" as the primary song says. I know that will help me feel like I belong in this alternate universe called Utah.

How could the Father tell the world of love and tenderness?
He sent his Son, a newborn babe, with peace and holiness.
How could the Father show the world the pathway we should go?
He sent his Son to walk with men on earth, that we may know.
How could the Father tell the world of sacrifice, of death?
He sent his Son to die for us and rise with living breath.
What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say?
Have faith, have hope, live like his Son, help others on their way.
What does he ask? Live like his Son.

"Built in Humilities"

The other day a mission friend and I went over to my mission presidents house. My mission president and his wife came home 3 months before I did. They live about 40 minutes away from my house! My friend and I called our mission president and he told us he wanted to talk to us because we had something in common. So we went over there and visited with him. My whole life I've lived with insecurities, which I learned how to deal with more on my mission. I'm a lot less shy than I used to be...But my mission President wanted to talk to me and my friend Alyssa about our "built in humilities" I thought of  it as a positive way of saying "i'm extremely insecure" but then he talked about Alma 32. The apostate Zoramites are being visited by Alma and the only ones that will listen to him are the ones that are poor, because they have been cast out because of their afflictions. In this chapter it talks about how the poor Zoramites were compelled to be humble because of their afflictions. I realized how grateful I am for my insecurities, they help me to be humble and to have a firm reliance on my Savior. I constantly have to rely on Him for strength, and how grateful I am for that blessing. I always thought of my insecurities as me being prideful, but that's only if I am comparing myself to someone else. But if I can just understand that I have the great opportunity given to me to rely on my Savior I know that He will make me more humble and stronger. Humility is a goal of mine. And I sincerely hope that I can apply such a great Christ-like attribute to my life. What are your insecurities? and are they prideful insecurities? or built in humilities?

Week 1 and so on :)

Being back was very weird. I kind of felt like a deer in the head lights for a few days. It was more of a culture shock than I thought it would be. And that's bad considering I came from Washington here's an excerpt from my first Facebook post back:
Taking that name tag off was THE hardest thing I've ever done...but I am home! Being a full time missionary is the greatest thing I've ever done in my life. I will miss Washington and all it's greenness  I will miss being a missionary and testifying of the Savior. But I will continue to testify of him and his unending love and amazing grace!
The weekend I came home a bunch of return missionaries went up the canyon and had a bon fire! :) It was a lot of fun and got me out of my deer in the head lights phase more. Most of them had been back 6 weeks or longer than I had. The first week being home a ton of people texted and wanted to come and see me :) it was awesome and kept me busy! I am grateful for my friends :) My 2 best friends from high school came down/up from Cedar City and Logan to visit which was awesome :) It was so good to see all of the wonderful people that I love and missed so much. But after about 2 weeks I was done and ready to go back. If only that was how it worked. But I know God wants me here, He has a plan for me. I will trust in Him, because I know He will always take care of me. I am just trying to find my place here...this should be interesting :)